“Would you like that paste with a side of fries?”
If you recall, husband and I built a very pretty, very expensive home that we were recently forced into giving back to the bank. Said bank, the “incredibly secure” institution, has been systematically calling the notes on all commercial loans, whether they are in default or not. And, in keeping with this sleazy, low-rent approach to sorting out our housing crisis at the expense of local small business owners, they hired squeaky clean, not-very-bright, commercial real estate guy when it came time to list the property. For the sake of ease, I will refer to him as “Ken” from here on out.
I know Ken. I’ve worked with him in the past. Ken is married to Barbie, who is related to my neighbor. I see them at parties, skiing and mountain biking. It’s all one happy, incestuous little party here in Bend!
Anyhoo…..so Ken calls me up the other day.
“Hey Sophie, it’s (Ken)”
“Oh, hi, Ken”. I’d been waiting for this call.
“So, I need a favor”. Oh yeah. So you finally figured out that you don’t know shit about the house you’re listing and someone asked you a question that went more that skin deep.
“Well, actually, it’s your knowledge. So your house, I have buyers for it and they really love it and they are wondering about air conditioning. I see it has radiant heat flooring. Can they use that to cool the house as well?”
Now, if you’ve been reading my blog, you can just imagine the retort that was forming.
I decided to play nice. “No.”
He had expected me to continue because there was silence on the other end of the line.
“So, ah, can you tell me anything about air conditioning the home.”
“Sure. I’d be happy to come on over and give them thorough and complete tour and intro to the home. I can provide all of the house plans (showing all the truly pertinent shit in the home). I bill out at $65 / hour and they can discus purchasing the plans from me if they are interested.”
Silence, then, ”Uh, that sounds like a good idea. I can see how this might be a sensitive situation for you.”
“Ah, hell, Ken. I’m over “sensitive”. You see, I just lost $700K on that house and I’m not really inclined to give anything else away. They can pay me for my time from here on out. And, they might be advised to get a little insider info before they go punching holes in those floors and walls.”
“Alright! Well, I will see what I can set up and get back to you.” Click.
Ok, I realize I’m a bitch. He’s just trying to make a living. And, I should just go along with it. Blah, blah, blah. Really, I’m “sensitive” to that, if not for the fact that he married into one of the richest families in Bend, and he really doesn’t need to worry.
For me this is more about the serious balls it takes to call someone up who has suffered such a huge loss and ask FOR A FAVOR…SO I CAN HELP YOU GET YOUR COMMISSION…on the house that I built and lost decades of my earnings on?????!!!!!
Get stuffed, Ken.
Oh, and I’ll take an extra large order of fries with my paste, thank you very much.
